


Wonderings

by IzzyR0ckz



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Hux has late night doubts, M/M, Short Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 18:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5551559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzyR0ckz/pseuds/IzzyR0ckz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux does not believe in the mysticisms around love which so many creatures seem to hold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wonderings

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Вопросы без ответов](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7552234) by [fandom_Kylux_2016](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_Kylux_2016/pseuds/fandom_Kylux_2016), [ns17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ns17/pseuds/ns17)



> Posted already on my Tumblr, thought I'd add it here too just for laughs

Hux does not believe in the mysticisms around love which so many creatures seem to hold. It is a chemical reaction within the brain that stimulates a desire to be closer to someone, a dependence if you will, which originated long ago as an adaptation to keep families closer together. The more people there to raise the child, the more likely the child would successfully grow up and reproduce on their own, and so the cycle would repeat. He does not believe in ideas like soulmates, nor does he believe in love at first sight; he finds it more of a weakness, than anything else. Something which gets in your way, something that keeps you from climbing higher, from doing what is necessary to succeed.

There are times, however, when he begins to doubt himself. It is bad, he knows, it is a weakness which could very well get in the way of his goals, and Snoke would strongly disapprove, to the point where Hux very well may lose all his hard-earned favor with their Supreme Leader. But in these late hours, when the galaxy is asleep and he is alone and another bout of insomnia rears its ugly head within him, he cannot help but wonder.

There are few nights in which he sleeps beside Ren, and even fewer when Ren is the first to fall asleep. These nights only happen after intense rounds of sex, often after a battle, when one or the other is too exhausted to return to their own quarters. He hates these nights, and at the same time longs for them, because they are the only time when he sees Ren’s face soften and look relatively at peace, look as though there are not two parts of his soul constantly warring over one another. This vulnerable state is when Ren looks most handsome, his features smoothing out from the constant look of pain, and Hux finds himself wishing, against his will, that they would stay that way.

He remembers the first time he saw Ren’s face without his mask; an accident more than anything else. They had been on a battlefield, Hux barking orders when he noticed Ren had been hit with a lucky shot straight to his helmet. It began making hideous sounds, the machinery clearly damaged, but Ren showed no signs of taking it off. Eventually, it began to smoke, and Hux had cursed Ren for his stupidity, before reaching at Ren’s arm, hoping to get him behind some sort of cover and get the thing off. Ren had nearly taken his hand off, the lightsaber coming up and at his throat.  
“Ren you fool, attack your enemies.” Hux snapped, glaring at him, and Ren withdrew the lightsaber though Hux had the sneaking suspicion it was only to block the next shot aimed at him. Hux tried to get closer to at least examine the damage, it would not do for Snoke’s apprentice to die by third-degree burns to the face; Hux would surely be blamed. He found himself unable to do so, however, an invisible force keeping him away.

“Do not distract me General; do your job.” Ren said, and Hux winced at the static coming from the helmet’s monotone.

“Then take cover and get the blasted thing off, if you’re so opposed to me doing it!” Hux growled, glaring, then turned to give a few orders to the troops around him, ordering Phasma to look over them while he was occupied. Ren still made no signs of stopping, and Hux swore colorfully when the helmet sparked and Ren fell, having been shocked.

“You absolute child! How dumb are you?” Hux hissed, grabbing Ren by the arm and dragging him behind the closest thing he could find. He grabbed at the helmet, praying the sequence to open it wasn’t ridiculously complicated and was relieved when it came off relatively easily. His eyes met two blue ones, bright with fury, and he froze for a second before recollecting himself; Ren was certainly easy on the eyes. He cleared his throat, then tried for words, “There, feeling better?” Was what he managed, and internally winced. Ren did not grace him with a response, merely stood up and blocked another shot without looking.

The rest of the battle had been a blur, but Hux still remembers clearly that moment, the immediate attraction which he would adamantly deny to any who asked. The lines on his face had been what had struck Hux most, however, the pain written on them. The internal battle which Ren was constantly fighting took Hux aback, he had always seemed so certain in his actions, and the monotone voice of the mask had given nothing away.

But now he lay beside Ren, and instead of pain and fury, there was only serenity in his features. Hux would brush it off these thoughts in the morning, return to his duties and remind himself of all the reasons he felt utter loathing towards Ren, the arrogance, the favor he received from Snoke, the constant destroying of Hux’s ship. Yes, in the morning he would return to the real world and his quest to destroy the New Republic, throwing away all these thoughts which only made him weak.

But in these late hours of the night, when the galaxy is asleep and he is alone and another bout of insomnia rears its ugly head, he cannot help but stare at Ren’s features, reach up to run his fingers through the unruly hair, and wonder.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it and want to support my writing, please [buy me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/izzywrites) Every little penny helps!


End file.
